Red Shades
Sunglasses: A Celebrity’s Best Friend
One thing about celebrities is that they never seem to leave home without their trusty pair of designer sunglasses. Yes, that includes being indoors, out in the middle of the night, or even at their favourite night club. They’re inseperable companions, like flies on elephants. Actually, given the recent antics of Britney, Paris and Nicole, these days celebrities wear sunglasses more often than knickers.
Why is this? By delving into the complex and bewildering psyche of the celebrity mind, we try to answer this age-old riddle:
- So they don’t get recognised. Celebrities can’t risk getting mobbed by crazed fans on every street corner now can they? Human facial recognition is mainly based around the eye area – that is a proven fact of science. Clearly celebrities have researched this fact, and stay incognito by covering up their eyes. These guys are smarther than you might think!
- So they DO get recognized. There are certain species of celebrity that actually desire attention of passers-by on the street, and use their designer sunglasses to achieve this. Certain celebrities who shall remain unnamed decide to adorn their faces with the most outrageous insect-resembling monstrosities they can get away with. Others have actually based their image around their glasses. This latter syndrome is known as the Bono factor, named after the mens glasses icon and aging U2 frontman for his trademark luminous wrap-arounds.
- To protect themselves from flash photography. The number one predator of the simple celebrity is the vicious and merciless paparazzi – its natural for celebrities to think about defending themselves. These natural enemies are drawn in swarms to the bigger celebrities in particular. The paparazzi’s primary offensive weapons are their huge flashes, predominantly used to startle their prey and cause gradual yet irreversible damage to their already ruined eye balls (see number 5 for more details on this). Sunglasses are in fact a crucial evolutionary defence against this threat.
- To cover up the state of their eyes. You may not have thought it, but this is in actual fact a measure to protect us, the general public. If we were exposed to the true state that celebrity eyes end up in after all night binges and long term sun damage, we’d be so horrified that our entire view of the world would crumble around us. Yes, ladies’ glasses of the rich and famous are there for our sake. Believe me.
- Drug usage makes your eyes very sensitive. Now these guys have a tremendous weight on their shoulders, being role models for the rest of us, and this understandibly takes its toll and results in massive levels of drug abuse. Chemicals like tetra-hydro-canabinol (found in marijuana) and the opiate compounds in heroin, create significant dilation of your pupils. Mere daylight, even behind a cloud, can cause some serious pain to afflicted celebrities. Think about that next time you tut-tut at celebrity sunglass wearing in ridiculously low light areas.
I hope now I’ve made you think twice before tutting under your breath next time you see a hollywood star sporting ridiculously unneccesary shades in pitch black conditions.
Mike Foyle presents Statica – Shades Of Red (Original Mix)
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